More than a few “family values” politicians have themselves been compromised dramatically. None of this should obscure the fact that such values are extremely important — we just need to be clear about what we mean by the term.
The biblical wisdom tradition, of which Sirach is a fine example, focused quite a bit of attention on parents, children and families. The passage from Sirach described a family that is clearly hierarchical and patriarchal in nature.
Much emphasis was placed on proper honour and respect, especially from wives and children towards husbands and fathers. Parents in their declining years were the focus of special compassion and concern.
In antiquity little was known of depth psychology or human development. Often discipline was incredibly harsh — Roman fathers, for example, had the power of life and death over their families. Does that mean that what the ancient wisdom tradition has to say about families is worthless? Not at all — we can engage in dialogue with these ancient texts, sharing our collective wisdom and experience gained over the past two millennia.
If we were to rewrite this passage today, we might encourage some of the respect and honour to be directed downwards as well. Rather than dominance by the male in the family, we would place more emphasis on equality and mutuality. Most importantly, the essential elements of any family are a loving, supportive atmosphere and quality time spent with children. Add to all of that vibrant spiritual values that are practised rather than just talked about and we have all the ingredients for a perfect family. In recent years there has been much talk — often shrill, intolerant and at high volume — aimed at promotion of marriage and the family.
More attention to the quality of family life would perhaps be a more eloquent and convincing witness.
The first Christian communities viewed themselves as a family. The practise of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience formed the foundation of that family. These qualities are all part of the reality that we call love. The author of Colossians was certain that love binds any human community together in harmony and brings with it a profound inner peace.
Colossians has a beautiful way of putting it — “let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.” The Word of Christ — His teachings and example — is transformative, but only if we internalize it and practise it in daily life.
This represents the difference between a religion that is spiritually vibrant and one that is an empty shell.
Many families face economic pressures — making ends meet and providing an adequate environment for raising children can be demanding, stressful and uncertain. When cultural and societal pressures are combined with the dangers of modern life it is small wonder that many families crumble under the strain. It was not easy for the Holy Family either — they dealt with prejudice and whispers, as well as the violence of a nation under foreign occupation.
Scarcely had Jesus entered the world and the three of them were refugees and hunted people. The journey to Egypt must have been fearful — they never knew when they might be recognized and handed over to Herod’s henchmen. They had to get by in a foreign land with a different language and culture for several years. In other words, they stand in solidarity with so many families today that have had to endure similar experiences. In spite of all this, they were able to provide a nurturing and supportive environment for the infant Jesus. They were instrumental in forming His human personality and character.
Through contemplation of Jesus in the Gospels, we can have some idea of the character of Mary and Joseph. There are many forms of family, all of them important. Some are conventional, characterized by blood relation, while others are based on relationships of choice, affinity or commitment.
Building familial communities based on nurturing and life-giving principles would be one of the greatest gifts that we could give our fragmented and fearful world.