WINDSOR, Ont. - “I was angry my whole life and didn’t know why I was angry,” James, a man now in late middle age and a victim of sexual abuse, told a group attending the first of three Male Sexual Abuse Recovery forums in southwestern Ontario.
Eric, another sexual abuse survivor, breaking into tears, said he had “lost my way, never developing into the man I could be and didn’t understand why.” Gil, another victim, said he had always felt like “a dirty little person.” And Murray, who spent much of his life in prison, said he had been repeatedly molested until he was 15. “It was violent and debilitating to the point that I shut down.”
The four men rose from the audience to speak to some 30 people who attended the Sept. 26 event, sponsored in part by the diocese of London. It was put on so that men who have suffered sexual abuse could come forward and seek counselling, as well as educate the public about the extent of male sexual abuse. The diocese has set aside $30,000 for the project.
Fr. John Sharp, chair of the diocese’s sexual abuse committee, said the money has been made available as part of various efforts on behalf of the church in the wake of the Fr. Charles Sylvestre case. Sylvestre, who died earlier this year, in August 2006 pleaded guilty to 47 charges of indecent assault involving young women between the years 1952 and 1989, most at parishes in Windsor, Sarnia, Chatham and Pain Court, Ont.
Sharp said not only is the church paying for counselling of Sylvestre’s victims but it is reaching out to the wider community to address sexual abuse concerns, clergy or not. He said the diocese did this “with the realization that in dealing with a lot of the issues around sexual abuse there was a need for us to form partnerships with other agencies within the community.”
The diocese has partnered with Tom Wilken (see here), a therapist in Erieau, Ont., founder of Hope & Healing Associates and author of the book Rebuilding Your House of Self-Respect, Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse. Wilken is setting up the forums and overseeing group therapy sessions with men who come forward, as well as making referrals for individual counselling. It all comes under the title The Silence to Hope Project.
Wilken, who has worked with male sexual abuse victims for the past decade, said that as a result of the Sylvestre case as well as cases of male sexual abuse elsewhere, “The diocese kind of stepped up to the plate and said, ‘Hey, how can we help?’ ”
Wilken said in his discussions with Sharp and the diocese “I have been impressed” with their sincerity “and the genuine concerns” about male victims. He said the diocese’s $30,000 may just be a first step. “They’ve made a commitment to us that if there’s a need that they will continue to support us or continue to re-evaluate the program on a regular basis.”
Wilken, who is also a probation and parole officer, said the purpose of group therapy for male victims is to head off not just continuing personal psychological trauma but, in some cases, the acting out of anti-social behaviour.
“I see more survivors now, victims, than I did when I was working at a crisis centre,” he said. “Because we don’t provide healthy programs for men often times they express their feelings and emotions in an unhealthy fashion.”
Lynne MacDonell, a Toronto psychotherapist who runs a group called A Time for Men, and who has worked with men involved in the sex abuse scandal at Maple Leaf Gardens in the 1980s, agreed. She said, in her experience, various forms of negative behaviour, from crime to addictions, are triggered by an earlier abuse trauma.
“It seemed ludicrous to me to take away their addictions without dealing with the underlying issues,” she said.
For Daniel Cahill, a local organizer of the Windsor event who said he was abused by a priest in the 1950s, groups such as this give men a chance to realize they aren’t alone in dealing with their feelings.
“Most of us don’t speak up for ourselves,” he told the audience. “That’s one of the things about sexual abuse. We lose our voice.”
WINDSOR, Ont. - “I was angry my whole life and didn’t know why I was angry,” James, a man now in late middle age and a victim of sexual abuse, told a group attending the first of three Male Sexual Abuse Recovery forums in southwestern Ontario.
(0 vote)
