Poustinia:  A Russian word meaning desert.  A “desert” way of praying in silence, solitude, fasting, with only the Scriptures to ponder.  A cabin or room in which this prayer unfolds.  Poustinia:  my heart.

Poustinia is a household word now, with variations available all over the globe.  That was not the case before Catherine Doherty, a Russian refugee, settled in Canada and eventually founded the Madonna House Apostolate.  She thought she left her Russian ways behind, but became convinced that this form of prayer, this interior focus, was exactly what was needed in her adopted land.  People were saturated with noise and distractions and were hungry for God in a radical way.  After introducing poustinia to Madonna House, she published her classic book 50 years ago.

My first poustinia was a disaster.  I was still a teenager, and my life had just been upended by an encounter with the Lord and a concomitant gift of prayer.  My whole world had shifted, and I longed for this God of Love who had chosen me.  As a university student living at home, I craved some quiet space where I could periodically pray for longer than my daily hour.  Madonna House had just opened a poustinia house in my hometown of Ottawa, and it sounded exactly like what I craved.  

When I arrived to make the 24-hour poustinia, the director, Arlene Becker, asked if I’d like an introduction to this kind of prayer.  In my naivety, I said, “Oh, I’m fine.  I already know how to pray.”  So, I did, for my first hour. Twenty-three more to go.  I prayed another hour, content to remember all the people and places in the world in particular need.  But the third hour was quite a bit thinner.  The nearby Peace Tower tolled the time every 15 minutes – a majestic gong, loud and intrusive.  At midnight, I apologized to God because I couldn’t keep awake any longer.  At noon, I apologized to God for eating some bread when I was starved.  At 3 P.M., I apologized to God and slunk out of the building

Arlene would have told me there is no specific way of praying in poustinia.  The purpose is to encounter the God of Love who awaits me.  I was to be free – to sleep, to walk, to eat some bread, to write, to simply sit in the quiet, to complain or thank Him – to just be myself with my God.  It was time and space given over to this meeting of two hearts  with no roles or expectations interfering.

For the most part, I have gone to the poustinia every week since.  It’s usually unspectacular and delightfully unpredictable. Sometimes I am convicted to the core of my being by some insight given by the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I am bathed in God’s mercy where I never expected it. Some days crawl by with unending distractions and even boredom. Others fly by in joy and gratitude.  There is no formula, as there can never be when we spend time with a beloved one.  We bring who we are to the other, just content to be together. 

The easiest poustinias for me are those in Nature, under the night sky with myriad stars sparkling their light and beauty and proclaiming the Lord who is beyond our imagination – delighting in birdsong or the tracks of forest creatures in the snow, hearing nothing but my own breathing and perhaps feeling the breath on God on my cheeks.  The world seems to crackle with His Presence.

More difficult are urban poustinias, interrupted by sirens, traffic, raucous voices.  But perhaps the city forces me to embrace His Presence in street dwellers crying out for acceptance and prayer, or to dig deeper into my heart where He awaits in silence. That “digging” can unearth hurts, resentments, fears and doubts that I’ve managed to keep carefully buried through the years.  Perhaps even more than luxuriating in the beauty of God’s Presence in Nature, I need to allow Him entrance into these interior dark places.  Many are the faces of poustinia, each one a stepping stone to union with our Beloved.

When I first read Poustinia 50 years ago, Catherine Doherty spoke to my heart’s deepest desire.  It is the book I pick up most often, especially at turning points in my life.  She walked the path of intimacy with God and her words contain layers of wisdom, waiting to be mined when we are ready.