It was the start of a new week, and I had my priorities written down.  Early on I had a lab appointment for a blood test related to my rheumatoid arthritis.  The Bride and I worked out how she would drop me off, do some errands for her work, and be back to pick me up.  The plan was good, as long as there were no complications.  Having said that, living with memory loss is frankly one big complication.  

After my blood test, I began walking west, as we had agreed.  Eventually I came to a construction site and had to cross the road, a minor diversion in an otherwise good plan.  Unfortunately, moments later I saw Jennifer drive past me, expecting me to be on the other side of the road.  What now?  I waited for a few minutes to see if she would return.  She hadn’t seen me.  So, in the moment I decided to change the plan and began walking home, which was closer. 

Fortunately, I came upon a police officer parked outside the Emergency Department at the local hospital.  I told the him I live with memory loss and I don’t have a cel phone.  I said I needed to contact my wife, who just drove past me, and would he help me out?  He responded with a friendly smile, put his phone on speaker so I could listen as he spoke with the Bride.  ‘Hello Jennifer, this is the police, and we have your husband.’  My immediate thought was, this isn’t a good start.  I heard Jennifer’s worried voice break in, asking ‘is he okay?’  The officer calmly responded, ‘yes, he is okay.  We have him at the Emergency Department entrance here at the hospital.’  With the mention of the Emergency Department, I could picture Jenn fighting off a meltdown.  The officer also sensing her concern quickly assured Jennifer that while I was at the Emergency Department, I was okay and she could come and pick me up.  I thanked the officer and said, ‘I have lots of explaining to do’.  He chuckled and wished me well.  

When such things happen, and they happen more often as a serious illness lingers over many years, my mind goes to those on my prayer list.  In addition to my own memory challenges, now eight years on, I maintain a written prayer list of many others whom I know who are suffering, including those who have asked for my prayers and those for whom I said I would pray.  This list has become too long and includes those with Parkinson’s, Alzheimer and dementia, cancer, diabetes and all the other troubling diseases and circumstances, including loss of sight, that can steal the joy from a person’s heart.  

In addition to those who suffer with such frightening diseases, I pray for their loved ones and especially the spouse; who must live through the struggle, doing their best to keep loving, supporting and encouraging.  I remain mindful of how difficult my memory loss is for Jennifer, and express my gratitude for all the ways she comes to my assistance.  The Bride shows great courage knowing my memory loss is only going to get worse.  In addition, she copes with the fact I get irritated more easily and angry quicker, and while I do usually remember to apologize, there is still a wearing down effect.  

I expect you are already praying for those individuals whom you know who are suffering, and hopefully trying to stay in touch.  This is a work of mercy.  Consider adding to your prayer list the spouses of those who suffer.  It is easy enough to remember Harry who lives with memory loss, but do we also remember Jennifer who has to live with Harry through his highs and lows, while also working out her own life.  For too long, I forgot to pray for the spouse and loved ones, who must watch as bad becomes worse.  Please, pick up the phone and say “hello”, and also add to your prayers not just those who suffer, but also the ones who love them.  

Harry McAvoy is co-author with his wife, Jennifer, of the book Faith, Love and Loss; Sustaining Hope amid Memory Loss and the Storms of Life, published by Novalis.