A few days ago, the Bride and I met with the memory specialist for my annual update.  It is hard to believe that it has been nine years since the onset of my memory troubles. I have gone from being fifty-eight, to now sixty-seven years old.  

When the doctor asked for an update, I reported that my short-term memory is now really short, measured in hours or a few days rather than weeks, unless an event is particularly memorable.  Recently I had such an experience.  A few weeks before meeting with the memory specialist, I had an appointment with my dentist.  After a bit of poking around, he informed me he would have to remove a top tooth, just off centre.  I have lost a couple teeth before, apparently due in part to dry mouth associated with arthritis medications.  This loss would be very visible.  

Fortunately, our young dentist is somewhat of a wizard, and he popped a denture in shortly after pulling the tooth.  The only ones who have seen my toothless mug are those I choose to mess with, like my grandsons.  Having said that, the other day I took Millie, our ninety-pound dog, for her morning walk without remembering to insert my denture.  Along the way I greeted a few neighbours.  When I got home, the Bride asked where my tooth was, she was not impressed.

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I do sometimes feel like God is picking on me, but than I know other’s stories of pain and suffering.  Instead of whining, I remember the Serenity prayer, and I ask God to “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” like memory loss, a missing tooth, and many years of battling arthritis.  I also remember the importance of ‘accommodation’.  I keep a little book handy for recording information I need to remember, including my prayer intention list.  I also use ice for my arthritis, and I keep my new denture with my hearing aids so I don’t lose either.

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When we feel like we are coming apart, or more so when the evidence piles up and we can no longer deny reality, where we focus our attention is critical.  I have a favorite expression I heard many years ago, “we become like what we think about most of the time.”  Given this bit of wisdom, I accept and accommodate the hardships, but I also focus on what gives me life.  Prayer, the Rosary and daily Mass, whenever possible, are my priorities.  I am not aware of anything more life giving than gathering with fellow believers to hear scripture proclaimed and explained; to receive the body and blood of our Lord and Savior, Jesus.

Towards the end of the appointment with the memory specialist, the good doctor said: “There remains no diagnosis.”  He explained that he doesn’t know what is causing my continued memory struggles.  After saying he would see me in a year, he said, “You are doing remarkably well, go keep living your life as best you can.’

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Accepting, accommodating and living the best you can, are rather daunting when they need to be sustained, day after day.  In addition to prayer and daily Mass, I stay close to family and friends, and I also work at having fun and maintaining a healthy sense of humor.  In the midst of my various doctor’s appointments, my son, Ben, invited the ‘old man’ to a Toronto Raptor’s basketball game.  My world has shrunk with memory issues, so I wondered about stepping out of my comfort zone into such a large public event.  I am happy to report, it was a blast.  While I enjoyed the Raptor’s winning effort, I admit I was enthralled by the whole experience; the music, the lights, and the energy; and hanging out with Ben, having fun.  Take that memory issues, and thumbs up to the Holy Spirit, whose calming presence was deeply felt and much appreciated.    

(McAvoy is co-author with his wife, Jennifer, of the book Faith, Love and Loss; Sustaining Hope amid Memory Loss and the Storms of Life, published by Novalis.)