The topic of porn use in marriage came up, and many were shocked by Prager’s attitude toward married men viewing porn. He basically said his religion is rather external and law-based (“behaviourist” was his word, but, of course, he isn’t speaking for the entire Jewish faith), and so, according to him, as long as you don’t actually commit adultery physically with a real woman, you’re OK to look at porn under certain circumstances. He said there’s nothing in Judaism like what Jesus said: “If a man looks lustfully at a woman, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Yet many passages from the Hebrew Scriptures, including the Ninth Commandment, show God always cared about our interior lives.
It’s important we make a clear distinction between lust and desire. Otherwise, we can mistake natural, God-given inclinations for lust (they’re not), think we’re lusting constantly and just give up aiming for purity of heart. “Lust” is the selfish wish to use someone else without any consideration for the other as a person, and any consideration for God’s will or God’s laws regarding sexuality. Desire was put in our hearts by God. Desire sees the whole person, wants to know the whole person, would never hurt or use them. Desire can be an initial step to true love.
Let’s quickly review essential principles of Biblical, Catholic teaching on sex: Any sexual activity outside sex in marriage is forbidden because: a) the language of sex is “you alone, forever”; b) our body belongs to our spouse; c) pleasure and purpose always go together; d) the order of the gift of sex is directed outward to the other, not inward to myself.
Unfortunately, the general public and many porn users are ignorant of the sad facts about porn. Here are just a few (there are many more):
- Porn is an addiction. The two hallmarks of addiction are: a) I’m not addicted. b) Don’t you dare touch my addiction. Porn is one of the toughest addictions to overcome because one doesn’t need to put foreign substances in one’s body. It’s enough to recall images burned in the brain.
- Porn makes men impotent. The good news is, after stopping porn use, normal function can return.
- Since porn is so unnatural (having sex with hundreds of images primarily through one’s eyes), it doesn’t satisfy. Over time, harder, more deviant, transgressive porn will be needed to get the same reaction. This is how “normal” people get into child porn.
- Porn isn’t “just for” men any more. Women using porn continues to be on the rise, and the newest category of porn addicts are children (due to their wide access to Internet-enabled devices).
- Porn is not a victimless crime. First, the porn user becomes incapable of true love, because human beings come to be seen as objects for personal gratification. Porn takes over the user’s life. Also, many of the smiling faces seen in porn are actually sex slaves who must smile if they want to eat, not get beaten or worse.
- Many sins are committed in porn: lust, masturbation, human denigration/degradation, human trafficking, adultery (“digital infidelity” or actual adultery is being filmed), fornication, use of contraception, abortion, drug abuse, violence against women, supporting a corrupt and evil industry (contributing to supply and demand), etc.
It’s true that addiction mitigates culpability to some degree, but we are responsible for getting help and getting into recovery.
The naked human body is personal — that doesn’t just mean private, but also the intimate revelation of one’s inner personhood. Body parts where we give and receive true love and true life are treated with a unique reverence, and are not to be, as John Paul II says, “anonymized and de-personalized for mass consumption and use.”
We refuse to look at porn not because the body is so bad, but because it’s so good.
(Sr. Burns, fsp, is a Daughter of St. Paul. She holds a Masters in Media Literacy Education and studied screenwriting at UCLA. Hellburns.com Twitter: @srhelenaburns.)