Adjusting to married life

By  Jessica Cyr, Youth Speak News
  • March 23, 2009
It amazes me: as I write this, I have been married only two and a half weeks, yet my marriage has already been full of lessons. Those who’ve been married for many years might laugh and say there are many more to come. But right now I’m incredibly excited and awestruck at the fruits brought into my life by my marriage to my husband Joseph. 

The wedding was an incredible, unforgettable day that seemed to go by too fast. It was snowy on Feb. 14, the sun illuminated the church through the stained-glass windows and the translucent material of my veil softened my view of everyone around me so that it almost didn’t seem real. The look on Joseph’s face was all that mattered to me, and as his eyes met mine, my heart actually started beating faster. It was a real-life chick-flick moment, but my reality was so much sweeter.

As we enjoyed our wedding Mass, I thought to myself, “This is forever. This day is for 10 years from now, for our future children, for life and death and everything in between.” In the ensuing two weeks, I’ve come back to that thought several times.

One of the things Joseph and I heard continually during our engagement was that “a wedding is a day, but a marriage is a lifetime.” Once Joseph and I had settled into our apartment and tried to put away wedding gifts, we talked about the things we’d like to do together. Prayer is important to both of us, but the way we spend time with God individually is unique. We’ve talked about praying as a couple in different ways, which is something I honestly didn’t think of before we got married. I thought everything would flow seamlessly since we both love God and have the same desire to pray. But it has involved some compromise as each of us try one another’s suggestions. However, we are working hard to build a firm foundation of prayer in our relationship that we hope to pass to our children in the future. 

One piece of advice given to us before marriage was that “communication is key.” One night, after Joseph and I began snapping at one another, he said, “We have to get rid of this bitterness.” I realized then that I was communicating something, but I was using a harsh tone and that didn’t help to convey the message in the way I’d intended. I always thought communication was a strength of mine, but now I realize how much I still have to learn. Thankfully, Joseph is good at letting me know his feelings on any given subject as well as dealing with conflict as it arises instead of bottling up his frustrations, which is a habit I’d like to learn from him.  

I can’t paint Joseph as perfect and I’m far from it myself, but I think the beautiful thing about that is that even with our flaws, we’re perfect for one another. I have strengths where he has weaknesses and he is able to teach me things I didn’t know about myself. Though we are at the very beginning, and there are still more lessons to learn, I know that between now and “until death do us part” we are called to be Christ to one another and fulfill God’s plan through our marriage.

(Cyr, 22,  studies communications at Mount Royal College in Calgary.)

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