Francisco Uy

Pitfalls of looking for the perfect guy

By  Francisco Uy, Youth Speak News
  • March 18, 2016

I recently read an article written by a Catholic teen girl and what she believes every Catholic teen guy should be. She listed off things that (I agree) should be the foundation of any relationship, such as being faithful and respecting each others’ values.

She also listed off things that, after reading it, made me feel pressured to become someone I am not. This can be both good and bad as we should always strive to better ourselves. At the same time, we have to embrace who we are and that includes our flaws, too.

To put it simply, relationships are complicated. There’s no two ways about it. Countless times I have talked with friends about what I want from a partner. Admittedly, most of the time I had no idea what I was talking about. Our thoughts and ideas change. Some change from minute to minute and some change over time, so I think it’s fair to say that setting up expectations for relationships can lead to disappointment. 

Yes, there is a preferred way of approaching a relationship, like going on more personal dates rather than a typical day out at the movies, and basic human ethics like being faithful to your partner. 

I’m me. I’m not the perfect Catholic guy that you would prefer. Not by a long shot. That person who you exchange glances with when we pass each other is a person who has their faults, too. Someone who might not fit the bill from your checklist of the ideal person. 

The real question is: who really is this ideal person? No matter how hard you try there will always be a crack on what you might initially see as the perfect wall. It’s how God made us and therein I think lies the heart of a relationship. That we will see each other’s faults and we accept that person’s faults.   

I’m not the perfect Catholic. I must confess that I’ve missed going to Mass and I’m afraid I’ve put Christ at the back end of my priority list, dedicating myself more to work. These are my faults. But underneath these faults there is a constant yearning to change my habits. I want to believe more in my faith and my relationships with the people in my life. These are characteristics that become rejected because they are so overshadowed by what we want the person to be.

Yes, I think there should be a standard or expectation to how a relationship should be. But I believe that there is a fine line between setting up expectations for a healthy relationship and passing up a guy or girl because they don’t meet your requirements. 

I’m not going to be your knight in shining armour. I’m me and I’m sill young. I still don’t have any idea what God’s plan is for me so I should definitely not be the one telling you what a relationship should and should not be. All I’m trying to say, I guess, is I’m not the perfect Catholic guy. But maybe it’s a part of God’s plan. 

(Uy, 18, is a first-year advertising student at OCAD University in Toronto, Ont.)

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