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When I was 18 years old, we had a Stocking Family reunion in England. It was the first time I met many of my numerous relatives. My father is one of eleven children, spread throughout England, the U.S., and Canada. That was the last time all of them were together in person. Gathered with them were approximately one hundred of their direct descendants. It was a very formative experience for me as a young man. I was recently reading a journal entry I wrote shortly after the reunion ended,
“I have thought about what it is that holds the family together. I cannot answer for sure. Several words swim about in my mind, ‘tenderness’ and ‘unconditional support’. Always in the end, unconditional support. Stockings put their faith in people before principles. That is why our actions may not always make sense. When this happens, you end up with stories to tell. Perhaps that is what keeps people together – stories. Memory.”
People before principles. This idea is something that has remained close to me since that time. It has often helped me make sense of my actions when they have seemed to lack a principled consistency. It has even helped me make sense of my faith. I believe in the radical Christian view that the Truth is not a set of principles, but a person – Jesus. In John 14:6 we read, Jesus said to him, “I am the way and the truth and the life.”
The way to know the truth is not to study the principles of the Catholic faith, but to encounter Jesus. All our principles flow from this encounter. The encounter comes first. We live that encounter through the Eucharist, the great sacrament of our communion with God and with each other. For the Eucharist to make sense, we must also encounter Jesus through our encounter with our brothers and sisters and even with the natural world. We have been made for one another so that we all might be made for God. Pope Francis has constantly called us to live a culture of encounter. In his encyclical Fratelli Tutti, the word encounter appears no less than 49 times!
He writes, “Human beings are so made that they cannot live, develop and find fulfilment except ‘in the sincere gift of self to others’. Nor can they fully know themselves apart from an encounter with other persons: ‘I communicate effectively with myself only insofar as I communicate with others’. No one can experience the true beauty of life without relating to others, without having real faces to love. This is part of the mystery of authentic human existence.”
The first place we experience this encounter with others is in our families. This is why the Church places such a huge importance on the family. In the compendium of the social doctrine of the Church we are taught that, “the family has central importance in reference to the person. It is in this cradle of life and love that people are born and grow…The family, as a community of persons, is thus the first human ‘society.”
I was reading my journal from the family reunion because I had just returned from a trip to England with my wife and father. It was my first time in the country since the reunion in 1998. I met a cousin who was born just shortly after the reunion ended. So, I would joke that if anyone wanted to know how long it had been since the reunion, they could just look at her! We went because we had wanted to take my Dad on a trip – anywhere he wanted. He chose to go to England to see his family – especially his three aging siblings. Watching them together was such a gift. The same tenderness I observed as a teenager is still there. The warmth & hospitality we received from our family during the trip was what led me to reflect on its importance. I found myself inspired to help organize another family reunion for a new generation. My father’s generation organized a reunion because of their belief in the importance of family. I want to share that belief with my children. My youngest is now 18. The same age I was. I can only pray that they might receive the same gift that I did – to know that people come before principles, which paradoxically is the most important principle of all.
(Stocking is Deputy Director of Public Awareness & Engagement, Ontario and Atlantic Regions, for Development and Peace.)
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