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Discerning your vocation
By Dorothy Cummings McLean
February 25, 2010
Dorothy Cummings McLean
Recently I was invited to the University of St. Andrews to talk to Catholic students about discerning their vocations. Being a bit rusty on the subject, I picked up Fr. Stephen Wang’s book, How to Discover Your Vocation. It was very helpful although Fr. Wang forgot to discuss the single life.
Discernment is not just about vocations to a state-in-life, but about vocations to everything. If you become obsessed with finding your “state-in-life,” you forget that God is calling you to other things, ordinary things, every day. You also risk getting self-absorbed and sucked in by the drama of it all.
Discernment is not just about vocations to a state-in-life, but about vocations to everything. If you become obsessed with finding your “state-in-life,” you forget that God is calling you to other things, ordinary things, every day. You also risk getting self-absorbed and sucked in by the drama of it all.
But God does call us (in His own time) to our state-in-life, and so we have to be listening when He decides we’re ready to know what it is.
First, you must know yourself. What have you always wanted in life? What was the happiest time of your life, and why? When you were six, what did you want to be when you grew up? Six sometimes knows better than 26.
Then, as Fr. Wang writes, “live the faith.” This means praying, going to Mass, going to Confession, fasting, abstaining and doing works of mercy. Catholic is not an ethnic group; it’s a religion. And a religion is a set of shared historical practices and beliefs. So live them.
Third, sit in silence. Some people hate to do this, but how can you hear God’s voice if you spend every waking minute surrounded by noise? So take time out every day just to stare out the window in silence, perhaps for the length of time it takes you to drink a cup of tea.
Fourth, “grow in holiness,” says Fr. Wang. This means stop doing the bad stuff you’ve been doing, the stuff you know is bad even though you have worked out a theory of how it is actually good. Pray to be freed of sinful attachments, go to confession and get pastoral counselling if you need it.
Fifth — got freedom? You can’t make a binding decision if your will is enslaved by bad habits or fear or despair. There are men who enter religious life because they believe no woman would have them. There are people who marry a boyfriend or girlfriend not because they want to, but because they think they “have” to. This is tragic.
Sixth, live in community. It gets harder after you leave school, but it is important to stay involved in your Catholic community. It is there that you will find your vocation. In fact, your vocation is not something only you decide. It has to be confirmed by the wider Catholic community, sometimes in the person of a bishop. I believe there are three stages to state-in-life vocation:
This explains where women who weep because they think they are called to the priesthood have made their error. A vocation is not just about you; it’s about the people you’re called to serve. Those people, or their bishop, have the right to say Yes or No to your service. Any form of Christian life is service. Marriage is definitely service.
Seventh, do your research. If you’re sort-of interested in religious life, read up on the various religious orders. Get the facts about how a certain attractive order lives today. Call up the order’s vocations director. Visit the order.
If you’re sort-of interested in marriage, ponder your parents’ marriage, which is where you subconsciously learned about marriage, and read books about marriage today. Meanwhile, meet members of the opposite sex as friends and colleagues, and go on dates only with the kind of person who might make a good spouse.
If you’re sort-of interested in remaining single-in-the-world, read about the lives of lifelong singles and talk to older singles, including priests and widows, about their experiences. Don’t succumb to pressure to date. Tell mom in the nicest way to back off.
Eighth, be open-minded about vocational opportunities. If your friend wants to visit a seminary, but you want to get married eventually, go along on the visit anyway. If a man makes you laugh, but he’s shorter than you, say yes to dinner anyway. If you get a chance to visit family and friends abroad, go. Try everything that sparks your interest, just so long as it’s not a sin or an occasion for sin. Be careful of people’s feelings, too.
Finally, get a spiritual director. This could be a priest or a layperson who is a professional spiritual director. The role of a spiritual director is to help you grow in your relationship with God and discern what He is saying to you.
Hopefully, all these things will not only lead you towards your call in life, but also deepen your friendship with God. That is, after all, the reason for living.
First, you must know yourself. What have you always wanted in life? What was the happiest time of your life, and why? When you were six, what did you want to be when you grew up? Six sometimes knows better than 26.
Then, as Fr. Wang writes, “live the faith.” This means praying, going to Mass, going to Confession, fasting, abstaining and doing works of mercy. Catholic is not an ethnic group; it’s a religion. And a religion is a set of shared historical practices and beliefs. So live them.
Third, sit in silence. Some people hate to do this, but how can you hear God’s voice if you spend every waking minute surrounded by noise? So take time out every day just to stare out the window in silence, perhaps for the length of time it takes you to drink a cup of tea.
Fourth, “grow in holiness,” says Fr. Wang. This means stop doing the bad stuff you’ve been doing, the stuff you know is bad even though you have worked out a theory of how it is actually good. Pray to be freed of sinful attachments, go to confession and get pastoral counselling if you need it.
Fifth — got freedom? You can’t make a binding decision if your will is enslaved by bad habits or fear or despair. There are men who enter religious life because they believe no woman would have them. There are people who marry a boyfriend or girlfriend not because they want to, but because they think they “have” to. This is tragic.
Sixth, live in community. It gets harder after you leave school, but it is important to stay involved in your Catholic community. It is there that you will find your vocation. In fact, your vocation is not something only you decide. It has to be confirmed by the wider Catholic community, sometimes in the person of a bishop. I believe there are three stages to state-in-life vocation:
- You think God is calling you to a specific way of life, e.g. marriage to Ted.
- The people involved, e.g. Ted, agree.
- You take your vows, e.g. to love and cherish Ted till death do you part.
This explains where women who weep because they think they are called to the priesthood have made their error. A vocation is not just about you; it’s about the people you’re called to serve. Those people, or their bishop, have the right to say Yes or No to your service. Any form of Christian life is service. Marriage is definitely service.
Seventh, do your research. If you’re sort-of interested in religious life, read up on the various religious orders. Get the facts about how a certain attractive order lives today. Call up the order’s vocations director. Visit the order.
If you’re sort-of interested in marriage, ponder your parents’ marriage, which is where you subconsciously learned about marriage, and read books about marriage today. Meanwhile, meet members of the opposite sex as friends and colleagues, and go on dates only with the kind of person who might make a good spouse.
If you’re sort-of interested in remaining single-in-the-world, read about the lives of lifelong singles and talk to older singles, including priests and widows, about their experiences. Don’t succumb to pressure to date. Tell mom in the nicest way to back off.
Eighth, be open-minded about vocational opportunities. If your friend wants to visit a seminary, but you want to get married eventually, go along on the visit anyway. If a man makes you laugh, but he’s shorter than you, say yes to dinner anyway. If you get a chance to visit family and friends abroad, go. Try everything that sparks your interest, just so long as it’s not a sin or an occasion for sin. Be careful of people’s feelings, too.
Finally, get a spiritual director. This could be a priest or a layperson who is a professional spiritual director. The role of a spiritual director is to help you grow in your relationship with God and discern what He is saying to you.
Hopefully, all these things will not only lead you towards your call in life, but also deepen your friendship with God. That is, after all, the reason for living.
Dorothy Cummings McLean