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Men and woman need separate spaces
By Dorothy Cummings McLean
April 15, 2009
Dorothy Cummings McLean
When I was an undergrad at St. Michael’s College, it disturbed me that the women’s residences lay on the periphery of the college while the men’s residences were nestled in its heart. Since then St. Mike’s has converted some of the men’s residences into men’s-and-women’s residences, and perversely, that makes me feel cranky and old.
In my day (as people say when they are feeling cranky and old) women were strictly barred from the St. Mike’s men’s residences after 1 a.m, and men were all but fitted with electronic ankle bracelets when they came to call at Loretto or St. Joe’s. And I think that, although annoying, these strictures added zip to life.
In my day (as people say when they are feeling cranky and old) women were strictly barred from the St. Mike’s men’s residences after 1 a.m, and men were all but fitted with electronic ankle bracelets when they came to call at Loretto or St. Joe’s. And I think that, although annoying, these strictures added zip to life.
When I heard that St. Mike’s was switching to co-ed dorms, I was alarmed. Would the women of St. Mike’s ever again know the thrill of sneaking out of a Fisher House pizza party at 2 a.m? Would they ever again experience the subversive joy of waking up on the Bellisle don’s second-best couch after a wild SMC Theatre party? Would they ever again sit nervously in a bedroom chair in Elmsley Hall, intensely aware of the elderly Basilian down the corridor? I, of course, know nothing of such delights.
I called up St. Mike’s to discover what fun girls are missing out on these days and spoke with Duane Rendle, the Dean of Students. Fisher House, the scene of many a clandestine pizza party, is now itself a women’s residence. More House remains a male-only space. Elmsley and the newish Sorbara Hall are indeed mixed sex, but the sexes are divided by floors. The historic houses of Flower Pot Lane are divided between men and women. Loretto House is, of course, still women only. St. Joe’s and Bellisle House, alas, are residences no more.
“What about washrooms?” I demanded. “Are there unisex washrooms?”
“There are no unisex washrooms,” said the Dean of Students cheerfully.
I thought of Loretto and its snarling guardians.
“What about security?”
Elmsley Hall, the dean revealed, is getting a 24-hour security desk 10 years after he began to lobby for one. Loretto is still as secure as ever. As for the other residences, the students are trusted to self-police.
I was pleased to hear of this relative conservatism at St. Mike’s, for one reads in the newspapers of co-ed floors and co-ed washrooms at other universities. At St. Mike’s, it seems, modesty, mystery and sneakiness are still preserved. There are still separate men’s and women’s spaces.
Women-only spaces are controversial, for women have worked very hard to eliminate men-only spaces. Justine Blainey took her fight to play hockey with boys instead of girls to the Supreme Court of Canada; the inference was that boys’ hockey teams were superior to girls’ hockey teams. When the Supreme Court judged in her favour, another inference was that Justine’s right to play on boys’ teams outweighed boys’ right not to play on girls’ teams. Meanwhile, winning the right to play on boys’ or men’s teams was a Pyrrhic victory for some women; one thinks of Manon Rhéaume warming the bench of the Tampa Bay Lightning.
In my lifetime, I have watched as women entered men’s and boys’ clubs with an enthusiasm unmatched by a corresponding enthusiasm from men and boys to enter women’s and girls’ clubs. I am sympathetic to those women who argue that we were disadvantaged in the business world, where deals were often done after hours in men’s clubs and golf courses, but I do not understand why girls now join the Boy Scouts. We already have a club for girls who long to join the Boy Scouts: in Canada it’s called the Girl Guides. And I wonder why it is that women want to spend so much leisure time with men when men are not that excited about spending all of their leisure time with women. Why do we not value our women-only spaces?
This weekend I will go to my bridal shower. Bridal showers are a time-honoured tradition, and they are restricted to women. This is hardly controversial. Few grooms would want to attend bridal showers. They often feature silly games, little sandwiches with the crusts cut off and passing gifts (usually kitchen goods) around the room to be admired by all.
Some women dislike this ritual and opt instead for “Jack-and-Jill” parties, where men, too, are forced to admire kitchen goods. But I much prefer the tradition of brides- and grooms-to-be celebrating their upcoming marriages with their own sex. Men and women are different, and both groups deserve their own spaces and their own rituals. To paraphrase Khalil Gibran, let there be spaces in our togetherness. After all, we cannot come together unless we have spent some time apart.
I called up St. Mike’s to discover what fun girls are missing out on these days and spoke with Duane Rendle, the Dean of Students. Fisher House, the scene of many a clandestine pizza party, is now itself a women’s residence. More House remains a male-only space. Elmsley and the newish Sorbara Hall are indeed mixed sex, but the sexes are divided by floors. The historic houses of Flower Pot Lane are divided between men and women. Loretto House is, of course, still women only. St. Joe’s and Bellisle House, alas, are residences no more.
“What about washrooms?” I demanded. “Are there unisex washrooms?”
“There are no unisex washrooms,” said the Dean of Students cheerfully.
I thought of Loretto and its snarling guardians.
“What about security?”
Elmsley Hall, the dean revealed, is getting a 24-hour security desk 10 years after he began to lobby for one. Loretto is still as secure as ever. As for the other residences, the students are trusted to self-police.
I was pleased to hear of this relative conservatism at St. Mike’s, for one reads in the newspapers of co-ed floors and co-ed washrooms at other universities. At St. Mike’s, it seems, modesty, mystery and sneakiness are still preserved. There are still separate men’s and women’s spaces.
Women-only spaces are controversial, for women have worked very hard to eliminate men-only spaces. Justine Blainey took her fight to play hockey with boys instead of girls to the Supreme Court of Canada; the inference was that boys’ hockey teams were superior to girls’ hockey teams. When the Supreme Court judged in her favour, another inference was that Justine’s right to play on boys’ teams outweighed boys’ right not to play on girls’ teams. Meanwhile, winning the right to play on boys’ or men’s teams was a Pyrrhic victory for some women; one thinks of Manon Rhéaume warming the bench of the Tampa Bay Lightning.
In my lifetime, I have watched as women entered men’s and boys’ clubs with an enthusiasm unmatched by a corresponding enthusiasm from men and boys to enter women’s and girls’ clubs. I am sympathetic to those women who argue that we were disadvantaged in the business world, where deals were often done after hours in men’s clubs and golf courses, but I do not understand why girls now join the Boy Scouts. We already have a club for girls who long to join the Boy Scouts: in Canada it’s called the Girl Guides. And I wonder why it is that women want to spend so much leisure time with men when men are not that excited about spending all of their leisure time with women. Why do we not value our women-only spaces?
This weekend I will go to my bridal shower. Bridal showers are a time-honoured tradition, and they are restricted to women. This is hardly controversial. Few grooms would want to attend bridal showers. They often feature silly games, little sandwiches with the crusts cut off and passing gifts (usually kitchen goods) around the room to be admired by all.
Some women dislike this ritual and opt instead for “Jack-and-Jill” parties, where men, too, are forced to admire kitchen goods. But I much prefer the tradition of brides- and grooms-to-be celebrating their upcoming marriages with their own sex. Men and women are different, and both groups deserve their own spaces and their own rituals. To paraphrase Khalil Gibran, let there be spaces in our togetherness. After all, we cannot come together unless we have spent some time apart.
Dorothy Cummings McLean