This article has been imported from our web archive. As a result, it may contain formatting errors, broken links or images, or other inconsistencies from the original publication.
Compassion, but not a false compassion
By Dorothy Cummings McLean
February 20, 2009
Dorothy Cummings McLean
I find homosexuality a difficult subject to discuss. First, the scientific accounts of the phenomenon seem to change constantly. It was once considered a mental disorder. Now psychiatrists say it isn’t. Kinsey’s famous report claimed that 10 per cent of men are homosexuals. Now we are told that the actual figure is more like one per cent.
Secondly, homosexuality is not entirely an appropriate subject for a family newspaper. Beyond heroic figures like Gerard Manley Hopkins and sincere arguments for civil rights loom the gruesome carnivals of Toronto’s Church-Wellesley neighbourhood — not just Pride Week, with its reminders to revellers to practise safe sex and safe consumption of crystal meth, but also its annual Leather festival, where bondage gear is sold and worn up and down Church Street.
Secondly, homosexuality is not entirely an appropriate subject for a family newspaper. Beyond heroic figures like Gerard Manley Hopkins and sincere arguments for civil rights loom the gruesome carnivals of Toronto’s Church-Wellesley neighbourhood — not just Pride Week, with its reminders to revellers to practise safe sex and safe consumption of crystal meth, but also its annual Leather festival, where bondage gear is sold and worn up and down Church Street.
Thirdly, I cannot write about homosexuality without thinking about my gay friends and acquaintances. Just as “sex” is meaningless outside the context of relationship, so “homosexuality” is meaningless without reference to real, often beloved, people.
Talking about homosexuality can be particularly difficult for Roman Catholics. Here we find ourselves more out of step with contemporary Western mores than ever. On the one hand, the catechism teaches that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered. Yet on the other, our faith calls us to be compassionate, and people with same-sex attraction often need our compassion. We read in the newspapers of physical attacks on gay men and lesbians and of homosexuals rejected by their families, and we are filled with pity and fear for our own gay friends.
There are, of course, Catholics who wish to ignore doctrine altogether. When I was at Boston College, I was furious when a professor of pastoral theology tried to bully my seminar class into agreeing that the archbishop of Boston ought to disobey an instruction from Rome and continue to allow Catholic adoption agencies to give children to gay couples. Complicating free speech was the presence of an openly gay classmate. I felt uncomfortable as I argued for the orthodox position because I did not want to hurt my classmate’s feelings. In theology school there is often a terrible tension between fidelity and inclusivity.
Ignoring the teachings of the Catholic Church about homosexuality may seem compassionate, but it is not much of a help to Catholics who are struggling to live chaste lives in a sex-worshipping culture. Fortunately, there is a faithful support group for Catholics with same-sex attraction. It is called Courage , and there are branches of it in Ontario.
Recently I met with Fr. John Harvey, Courage’s nonagenarian founder. Before I could get to my agonized-over page of questions, Fr. Harvey energetically launched into the most recent ideas about the genesis of “homosexual disorder.” He was enthusiastic about the ideas of Elizabeth R. Moberly, author of Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic. I, however, was more interested in people than theories.
Fr. Harvey hadn’t known that homosexuality existed until he read about it at the age of 23. Later, in 1956, when he was teaching in Washington, D.C., he met a master tailor who came to him for spiritual direction. The tailor was the first person Fr. Harvey ever met with same-sex attraction. Partly out of their conversations came Fr. Harvey’s pamphlet “How to Redirect Your Spiritual Life.”
Meanwhile, Fr. Harvey taught the tailor how to pray and introduced him to the writings of St. Francis de Sales. Fr. Harvey still recommends St. Francis de Sales’ The Devout Life to Catholics with same-sex attraction. (“Gay” is an expression not favoured at Courage because it ignores the whole person.)
He is saddened that Catholics no longer understand why homosexual acts are wrong. “We are living in a culture without moral norms,” he said.
I also spoke to two Canadian members of Courage, Susan (not her real name) and Bob. Susan found Courage mentioned in her parish bulletin; Bob first read of the group in The Catholic Register.
Susan knew that she had same-sex attraction, but she had resisted acting on it because of her faith. Bob believes that the gay lifestyle is “empty” and notes that his sexually active gay friends have “such a need for acceptance” that it has become a top priority. He has a gay friend who insisted he wanted to marry his boyfriend in a Catholic church, even though there were other churches willing to perform the ceremony.
But what should Catholic parents do if they suspect that their children have same-sex attraction? Susan and Bob agreed that parents should be open to talking to their children about any issue and also make sure their kids know all the teachings of the church. Parents should stick to what they believe. They must be compassionate, but theirs must not be a false compassion.
Nor should ours be.
Talking about homosexuality can be particularly difficult for Roman Catholics. Here we find ourselves more out of step with contemporary Western mores than ever. On the one hand, the catechism teaches that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered. Yet on the other, our faith calls us to be compassionate, and people with same-sex attraction often need our compassion. We read in the newspapers of physical attacks on gay men and lesbians and of homosexuals rejected by their families, and we are filled with pity and fear for our own gay friends.
There are, of course, Catholics who wish to ignore doctrine altogether. When I was at Boston College, I was furious when a professor of pastoral theology tried to bully my seminar class into agreeing that the archbishop of Boston ought to disobey an instruction from Rome and continue to allow Catholic adoption agencies to give children to gay couples. Complicating free speech was the presence of an openly gay classmate. I felt uncomfortable as I argued for the orthodox position because I did not want to hurt my classmate’s feelings. In theology school there is often a terrible tension between fidelity and inclusivity.
Ignoring the teachings of the Catholic Church about homosexuality may seem compassionate, but it is not much of a help to Catholics who are struggling to live chaste lives in a sex-worshipping culture. Fortunately, there is a faithful support group for Catholics with same-sex attraction. It is called Courage , and there are branches of it in Ontario.
Recently I met with Fr. John Harvey, Courage’s nonagenarian founder. Before I could get to my agonized-over page of questions, Fr. Harvey energetically launched into the most recent ideas about the genesis of “homosexual disorder.” He was enthusiastic about the ideas of Elizabeth R. Moberly, author of Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic. I, however, was more interested in people than theories.
Fr. Harvey hadn’t known that homosexuality existed until he read about it at the age of 23. Later, in 1956, when he was teaching in Washington, D.C., he met a master tailor who came to him for spiritual direction. The tailor was the first person Fr. Harvey ever met with same-sex attraction. Partly out of their conversations came Fr. Harvey’s pamphlet “How to Redirect Your Spiritual Life.”
Meanwhile, Fr. Harvey taught the tailor how to pray and introduced him to the writings of St. Francis de Sales. Fr. Harvey still recommends St. Francis de Sales’ The Devout Life to Catholics with same-sex attraction. (“Gay” is an expression not favoured at Courage because it ignores the whole person.)
He is saddened that Catholics no longer understand why homosexual acts are wrong. “We are living in a culture without moral norms,” he said.
I also spoke to two Canadian members of Courage, Susan (not her real name) and Bob. Susan found Courage mentioned in her parish bulletin; Bob first read of the group in The Catholic Register.
Susan knew that she had same-sex attraction, but she had resisted acting on it because of her faith. Bob believes that the gay lifestyle is “empty” and notes that his sexually active gay friends have “such a need for acceptance” that it has become a top priority. He has a gay friend who insisted he wanted to marry his boyfriend in a Catholic church, even though there were other churches willing to perform the ceremony.
But what should Catholic parents do if they suspect that their children have same-sex attraction? Susan and Bob agreed that parents should be open to talking to their children about any issue and also make sure their kids know all the teachings of the church. Parents should stick to what they believe. They must be compassionate, but theirs must not be a false compassion.
Nor should ours be.
Dorothy Cummings McLean