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Blessed are those called to single life
By Dorothy Cummings McLean
December 18, 2008
Dorothy Cummings McLean
Yesterday I got an e-mail from a dating web site aimed at Catholics. I don’t like dating companies; I think they exploit people. Yesterday’s e-mail only reinforced this opinion. Its subject line was “Don’t Be Alone This Christmas.” The implication was that for a certain sum a month, I wouldn’t have to be.
Every year secular newspapers run gloomy articles about Christmas. By Christmas Day it will be well rubbed into us that the season is a sad time of year for many people. It is sad for those who feel they are too poor to celebrate adequately. It is sad for those who walk into family dysfunction. And it is sad for those who have no “partner” with whom to go to parties. It can be hard to be a single person at Christmas.
Every year secular newspapers run gloomy articles about Christmas. By Christmas Day it will be well rubbed into us that the season is a sad time of year for many people. It is sad for those who feel they are too poor to celebrate adequately. It is sad for those who walk into family dysfunction. And it is sad for those who have no “partner” with whom to go to parties. It can be hard to be a single person at Christmas.
We hear surprisingly little about the single life in homilies. Recently I was at a Mass celebrated by a vocations director. Father cited the vocations of married life, religious/ordained life and single life. He talked primarily about the priestly vocation, and I don’t blame him. God knows we need more priests — and nuns, too. Father briefly mentioned nuns. And he was very good about the married vocation. I looked forward to what he would say about the vocation to the single life.
He said nothing about the vocation to the single life.
As a single woman, I was disappointed. I think the vocations director, a secular priest, has a vocation to the single life himself. As there are married ex-Anglican and Eastern Rite priests among us, we know that some priests have been called to married life. Likewise there are many priests who are called to life in a religious order. The life of a male religious is not the same as the life of a secular priest. Thus, the majority of Catholic priests have something to say to people about their lives as single men. Other single Catholics need to hear it.
The catechism has something important to say about the lives of single people. Significantly, it is located within a discussion of marriage. The text proclaims, “We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live — often not of their own choosing — are especially close to Jesus’s heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the church, especially of pastors. Many remain without a human family, often due to conditions of poverty. Some live their situation in the spirit of the Beatitudes, serving God and neighbour in exemplary fashion. The doors of homes, the ‘domestic churches,’ and of the great family which is the church must be open to all of them. ‘No one is without a family in this world: the church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who ‘labour and are heavy laden.’ ”
I know many single adult Catholics, and it is a mystery to me why they are single. At least one is a living saint, a man who is poor and ill, but in his poverty and illness he lives a life of openness and solidarity to those who are poorer and more ill than he. Thus, his celibacy is not a mystery: it is evident that God has called him to it. But other single Catholics I know are men and women in perfect health, often with good careers. Poverty is thus not the only problem; I know unmarried and lonely doctors.
Long out of school, many Catholic singles are unsure how to go about meeting, courting and marrying someone. Sadly, some settle for any relationship, even casual relationships with men or women much too absorbed in the pleasures of the world to think of marriage. And this, of course, leads to more loneliness and grief.
It is the responsibility of married couples and pastors to love single people. This can be as simple as making sure that unmarried friends and acquaintances (including priests) have somewhere to eat holiday dinners. It can be as kindly as including many single friends — not just married ones — to parties and outings. It can be as solemn as dedicating at least one homily a year to the special needs of perpetually single people, so that celibates feel that they are not invisible among the young families and old married couples in the parish.
I am a very blessed single person myself. I have a wonderful family, and Christmas is a happy time of year for me. And this Christmas may be my last as a single person; I’m getting married in the spring. My fiancé is also a Roman Catholic, and we have agreed that part of our vocation as married people is ministering to our single friends and acquaintances. Thus, the door of our home will always be open to them. Merry Christmas to all, especially to those so close to Jesus’s heart.
He said nothing about the vocation to the single life.
As a single woman, I was disappointed. I think the vocations director, a secular priest, has a vocation to the single life himself. As there are married ex-Anglican and Eastern Rite priests among us, we know that some priests have been called to married life. Likewise there are many priests who are called to life in a religious order. The life of a male religious is not the same as the life of a secular priest. Thus, the majority of Catholic priests have something to say to people about their lives as single men. Other single Catholics need to hear it.
The catechism has something important to say about the lives of single people. Significantly, it is located within a discussion of marriage. The text proclaims, “We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live — often not of their own choosing — are especially close to Jesus’s heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the church, especially of pastors. Many remain without a human family, often due to conditions of poverty. Some live their situation in the spirit of the Beatitudes, serving God and neighbour in exemplary fashion. The doors of homes, the ‘domestic churches,’ and of the great family which is the church must be open to all of them. ‘No one is without a family in this world: the church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who ‘labour and are heavy laden.’ ”
I know many single adult Catholics, and it is a mystery to me why they are single. At least one is a living saint, a man who is poor and ill, but in his poverty and illness he lives a life of openness and solidarity to those who are poorer and more ill than he. Thus, his celibacy is not a mystery: it is evident that God has called him to it. But other single Catholics I know are men and women in perfect health, often with good careers. Poverty is thus not the only problem; I know unmarried and lonely doctors.
Long out of school, many Catholic singles are unsure how to go about meeting, courting and marrying someone. Sadly, some settle for any relationship, even casual relationships with men or women much too absorbed in the pleasures of the world to think of marriage. And this, of course, leads to more loneliness and grief.
It is the responsibility of married couples and pastors to love single people. This can be as simple as making sure that unmarried friends and acquaintances (including priests) have somewhere to eat holiday dinners. It can be as kindly as including many single friends — not just married ones — to parties and outings. It can be as solemn as dedicating at least one homily a year to the special needs of perpetually single people, so that celibates feel that they are not invisible among the young families and old married couples in the parish.
I am a very blessed single person myself. I have a wonderful family, and Christmas is a happy time of year for me. And this Christmas may be my last as a single person; I’m getting married in the spring. My fiancé is also a Roman Catholic, and we have agreed that part of our vocation as married people is ministering to our single friends and acquaintances. Thus, the door of our home will always be open to them. Merry Christmas to all, especially to those so close to Jesus’s heart.
Dorothy Cummings McLean