Ladies and gentlemen: seeking love and respect

Men and women are searching for love and respect. So why is it that we demand it from each other, but often fail to demonstrate it ourselves?

In the wake of Miley Cyrus’ display at the MMVA’s, which re-sparked conversations regarding rape and societal perceptions of worth based on sexual availability, we end up with what, in a Verily magazine article, Monica Gabriel calls “Foam Finger Pointing” — playing the blame game.

The number of articles about men and women blaming each other is monumental, and many are too inappropriate to repeat. In essence, the claims can be summed up by saying the reason men aren’t “real men” anymore is because women don’t care to be treated by a gentleman. The reason women aren’t “real women” anymore is because men aren’t interested in a lady's virtues.

Leah Darrow’s “What I wish every college woman knew...” encourages women to “know thyself” above all. She encourages females to dress like a lady if they want to be treated like one. Similarly, I have read about how men are critical of their own gender. Everett Fritz asks “Where are the real men?” He concludes that men have “lost their way” and claims that “young men have no confidence in leading a woman (unless he is leading her to his bedroom)."

I think we should all slow down and take a deep breath.

I agree our culture is obsessed with gratification and has a chronic fear of rejection and confrontation. We need to accept this reality before we move forward to change it. But in our search for patience, courage, love and respect, we are pointing fingers at the sexes in disrespectful ways. Instead, we should be emulating the models in our midst of a true lady and gentlemen.

Paraphrasing Maura Byrne's blog, Made in His Image, if ladies want to attract a St. Joseph, start working on being a St. Mary. Tim Scheidler, guest blogger, states the same for gentlemen.

In “Foam Finger Pointing” Gabriel matter-of-factly encapsulates the issue:

“A society of respect doesn’t start on the premise of ‘I will be respectful if you are respectful.’ It starts with one person saying ‘I choose to be respectful, period.’ To blame the rest of the world as not being respectable is entirely beside the point. Both men and women should strive to be the best versions of themselves, not only to inspire others, but also — and perhaps more importantly — because we respect ourselves.”

Love and respect shouldn’t be sources of tension or blame. It’s time to stop pointing fingers and start choosing to be loving and respectful ourselves.