The X-factor of vulnerability

“Connection is why we’re here,” says Brene Brown. She speaks matter-of-factly, but also with awe and discovery. Her online TED talk, “The Power of Vulnerability” has been viewed almost 12 million times. She has the world’s attention.

She is a qualitative researcher whose personality reflects her work: strong, confident, perhaps a bit controlling, with a cut-the-nonsense sort of humour. She tells how her doctoral study entailed the collection of stories and data about how perceptions change. But an aspect of her research relating to connection and intimacy drastically (and ironically) changed her perception about how she lives, works and loves.

Brown found this: people want to belong. So she explored what stood in the way of belonging and found that “shame” is the antithesis of belonging. People would avoid intimate contact with others from fear of rejection. She then discovered what led to belonging. As it turns out, “vulnerability” was her answer, which perplexed Brown. How could something that makes us shy about belonging be the very thing that brings us to belonging?

At this point, Brown knew that she was on to something, but it wasn’t as measurable as she predicted. The messiness scared her. She had been taught that “if you can’t measure it, it doesn’t exist.” How could this be?

In searching for an answer, Brown concluded that the X-factor was a sense of “worth.” People who had love and connection believed they were worthy of love and connection. She called these people the “wholehearted.”

Yes, vulnerability is the core of shame, rejection and grief, but it’s also the birthplace of love, joy and belonging. But what if we don’t feel worthy?

When I think of the ultimate act of courage, love and vulnerability, I think of the Cross. If I’m looking for an example of love, I recall what happened at His resurrection. If I want an example of belonging, I look at what Jesus called his disciples to do after His death. If I need reminding of what real courage is, I look at the Crucifixion. Jesus went through the worst social, emotional and physical pain in human history, just so He could tell us how much He loves us. He gave us unconditional worthiness.

His message was that we are all worthy of love, even though this world can make us believe otherwise. As Christians, we have a monumental gift in knowing about our worthiness. Sharing this great love, letting others know their worth, is what evangelization is about.