Enjoy high school, make most of the opportunity

Dear Grade Nines, 

The other day one of my high school friends posted the following on Facebook: “Enough of this (stuff). I want to go back to Grade 8 and start again please.” 

I found her cri-de-coeur both funny and sad because I sometimes feel like that, only I wouldn’t go back to Grade 8. I would go back to Grade 9. However, as I asked my old pal, what if we went back in time only to have our memories erased? We would probably make the same mistakes. 

I’ve had over two decades to look dispassionately at my teenage years, and understand what was good, what was bad, and how I might better have responded to my circumstances, had I known what I know now. Naturally it is too late for me, but I have oodles of advice for you, if you are interested. 

o Having just looked at my diary entry for my first day in Grade 9, I see that my mind was not fully formed yet. Mind-forming is what high school is for, and why you should listen to adults who know what they are talking about, e.g. the vast majority of your teachers. When in doubt about your judgment, make an appointment with a guidance counsellor. 

o That said, a few (a rare few) teachers are nutjobs, not that the other teachers will ever admit this to you. If your teacher spends more time haranguing students with his or her own political or philosophical opinions than helping you master a subject, tell your parents. For example, if your math teacher says, as did one of mine, “All you (your race) girls born in Toronto should leave and make room for the immigrants,” tell your parents. Demand a new teacher. Not all wizards are good, Harry. 

o High school is not like high school in the movies, on television or in books. Fiction relies on drama and romance to keep readers and viewers interested. High school is not about drama and romance but learning. Your high school years are NOT the best years of your life. The best years of my life are now: I am too old to worry about my looks, married, established and go to Italy on holidays. High school is not for fun but for ensuring you have a satisfying adult life. That means a lot of hard, sometimes boring, work. My mother made me write out Italian vocabulary 10 times. It’s one of the best things she ever made me do. 

o Almost everyone can learn to do almost everything. It just takes work and the right teaching method. Don’t say “I’m bad at math” or “I’m bad at art,” for you will just psyche yourself out. You just need to be taught math or how to draw. This involves co-operation between you, your parents and your teachers. If you need help, demand help. 

o As a young person, you still have the ability to learn languages relatively easily. All you need is advice and a good work ethic. The next four years are the time to master French and any other language that interests you. Turn language-learning into a hobby, if you can. Watch less television and listen to language tapes instead. You will thank yourself in adult life for the time you took as a teenager to develop this part of your brain. 

o There are many programs in society to help you develop your interests in various arts, crafts, trades and professions. Society won’t care as much about you once you are over 25, that’s for sure. You will have to pay full price at the concert hall, for example. Ask your guidance counsellor for more information, and consider spending your allowance on an art exhibit or an opera performance instead of a movie sometimes. 

o I know a man who got a job at a top legal firm in part because he had played volleyball at the university level. Various trades and professions actually do care that you played team sports at school, so do try out for the high school sports teams that interest you most. If you really, really hate sports, take up chess. 

o Making friends of the opposite sex is important, but high school romance is not. The average Canadian woman now marries at 29, so what is the point of having a boyfriend when you’re a teenager? Focus on sincere friendships, and leave romance to adult life. Never beat up on yourself because you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You should be so busy learning, you don’t have time for one. 

Your high school years won’t be the best years of your life — being an adult is way more fun. However, what you learn will help make you that adult. So enjoy your new world as best you can, and make your parents proud. 

Sincerely, 

Dorothy Cummings McLean, M.A., M.Div. 
Loretto Abbey Class of 1990 

(Cummings McLean is a Canadian writer and author of Ceremony of Innocence.)