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August 8, 2024
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The Bride and I are quickly approaching a milestone anniversary. On September 1, we will have been married 40 years. I sometimes wonder, how did that happen, and am I really that old?
It is amazing that in spite of persistent memory issues for the past seven years, I still remember much of our story. Jennifer and I met in the fall of 1982, both in our early twenties, when we were part of a lay Catholic faith community dedicated to working with street kids, at the newly established, Covenant House, in Toronto. Each day, we and our fellow community members would participate in morning, evening and night prayer, as well as attend daily Mass either in the community chapel, if a priest was in residence, or we would walk the short distance to our Lady of Lourdes, on Sherbourne Street.
At the end of Jennifer’s two-year community commitment, she was planning to return home to Cincinnati, Ohio. For my part, I had thoughts of romance, which were sensibly discouraged while in the community. None the less, I had quietly pursued, and Jennifer finally relented with a ‘let’s see what happens’ attitude. While not exactly encouraged, I accepted some progress had been made. I tell our six children she used to say, ‘get away from me you ugly Canadian, I am going home to Cincinnati’, which she insists isn’t true.
A plaque given to us as a wedding gift still hangs over the front door of our house. It reads, “Choose this day whom you will serve... as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15.” This wonderful verse has served as an important reminder, each of us must choose how we will live in relationship to God, and each other. To this end we have also found direction and solace in another verse of Scripture, Matthew 7:24:27, which reads ‘build your house on the strong foundation, because the storms are coming.’
For about five years, starting in 2006, Jennifer and I were co-facilitators of a marriage preparation program in our parish. We were usually given the topic of “communications”, and we often incorporated Jesus’ strong foundation and his warning about the storms of life into our presentation. Already by then we had lived through the fright of our daughter’s premature birth and open-heart surgery, too many occasions of more month than money, and other frightening challenges, including the onset of Rheumatoid arthritis. We knew first hand the storms could be relentless and often stayed too long.
We would tell the young couples that we who believe build our strong foundation by staying close to God. We said that we do this by doing our best to live Jesus’s two great commandments: loving God with all our mind, heart, soul and strength, and our neighbour as ourselves. We would encourage the participants to dig in and think and pray about how they could more fully incorporate God’s love into their relationship, and in turn share God’s blessings with all whom they would meet.
Out of curiosity, I searched my home files to see if I had anything from those Marriage Preparation days. In one note I had written, “don’t focus so much on a happy life as a meaningful life.” I continued: “It is in finding shared meaning and purpose that we find happiness.” Another note read, “Most of us aren’t smart enough, interesting enough, or strong enough to make marriage work for the long haul. We need the grace of God’. Jennifer and I would then explain we receive grace, God’s favor and help, through participation in the Mass, daily when possible, praying together, reading of scripture and faith-based books, and articles (thank you Catholic Register), acts of service, and having family and dear friends also seeking to live their Catholic faith and marriage, well.
All these years later, the Bride and I continue to do our best to walk our talk. Like all parents of faith, we yearn to see our children and loved ones embrace the joy and peace that come from a loving relationship with God, that has so blessed our lives. We stay close to God, we pray, forgive, again and again; and we intend to keep on loving ’til death do us part.
McAvoy is co-author with his wife, Jennifer, of the book “Faith, Love and Loss; Sustaining Hope amid Memory Loss and the Storms of Life”, published by Novalis
(McAvoy is co-author with his wife, Jennifer, of the book "Faith, Love and Loss; Sustaining Hope Amid Memory Loss and the Storms of Life", published by Novalis. )
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