Having difficulty discerning your vocation — or know someone who is? These tips might help. 

First, let’s define “vocation.” A vocation is a calling from God to marriage, religious/consecrated life or ordination (priesthood/diaconate). Why only these three? Because a vocation is permanent and vowed. 

Being single is not a vocation properly speaking because we are born single. It starts us off in life as a default position. Some people are single who want to be married but have never met the person they feel called to tie the knot with. Some may have been attracted to religious life or priesthood, but were counselled against it — even after trying it for a while. It may be God’s will for us that we remain single our whole life, and we can certainly live out this “blessed singlehood” in a holy manner.

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Our vocation usually makes itself known in the first quarter of life when we are praying and deciding how to dedicate our love and energies. For some, a vocation comes later. Some people marry for the first time at an advanced age or enter seminary after a wife has died. God knows the proper time to call us and when to have that calling fulfilled.

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Perhaps you have tried to discern your vocation for a while, and you’re really struggling. That can be a good thing! Why? 1.) So that we learn to trust God more, pray more. 2.) So that we make a thorough discernment. Then when we embark on our new life, we won’t be stalled or tempted to leave because we’re still not sure. We’ll know we made the right decision because we went through a solid process. Any difficulties or crosses that arise are therefore to be resolved or borne within our vocation, with God’s grace.

Since the majority vocation is marriage, and although I believe future spouses need lots of assistance, I’m focusing on discerning a vocation to religious life or priesthood. 

Some Do’s and Don’t’s: 

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• DON’T look for lots of extraordinary signs. God may give you one or two to get you started and let you know it’s really Him calling you, but that’s not His usual way. We can misinterpret signs, and constantly looking for extraordinary signs can reveal a spiritual immaturity. 
• DO pray and never stop. Discerning is God’s sneaky way of getting us to be more prayerful, which is a sneaky way of drawing us closer to Himself. 
• DON’T ask advice of too many people. Some people might be too close to us to see us in a different light, or they may be afraid of “losing” us to God and the Church. Listen to a few wise, selfless, trusted people who care about our best interests, and God’s. 
• DO look for God in ordinary, everyday circumstances — in the desires, talents and opportunities He’s already given us. 
• DON’T run away or continually distract yourself so you won’t have to face discerning your vocation. You’re just delaying what you know you need to examine. 
• DO go on a vocation retreat or two. 
• DON’T be mad at God for choosing you to, at very least, go through the process of discerning. You’ll thank Him later. 
• DO visit seminaries and religious communities you’re interested in. Let them know if you’re seriously considering them so they can be part of the journey (rather than just “stalking” them for months online). 
• DON’T think you have to be ready-made to be a sister, brother or priest. That’s what the period of formation is for. 
• DON’T worry about being “unworthy.” We’re all unworthy. Get over yourself. 
• DO determine what kind of religious life/priesthood you’re called to: Contemplative or active? What kind of ministry, spirituality, community life? Corporal or spiritual works of mercy? Remember, you’ll be embracing this for the rest of your life.

Something to be aware of as you discern: a vocation is not primarily some task or mission that God wants of us — although that’s important. We are not robots or functionaries — we are human beings, beloved children of God, and a vocation is part of our ongoing relationship with Him. And all of life is really about our total self-offering back to God — as He offered Himself totally for us — no matter what our path in life. Love for love.