Share the word on chastity’s true meaning

Chastity is one of the most misunderstood words, concepts and virtues. As a teen, and before I knew John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, when I heard the word “chastity,” this is what would come to mind: Cher’s daughter. Vow of chastity. Chastity belt. In any case, it was something that was usually the butt of jokes, and I didn’t take it too seriously. (Spoiler alert: I became a nun and took a vow of chastity--which I take very seriously!) 

But “chastity” does not mean not having sex. It’s “celibacy” that means not having sex. The nuns confused everyone with regard to chastity. Our vow of chastity is a vow of celibate chastity (in order to belong to God alone, body and soul), but plain old chastity is a very important virtue for everyone on the planet. Then whatever does “chastity” mean? Chastity means: integration of body and soul, with regard to sexuality, according to our vocation. What’s not to like about that? Everyone wants to be integrated and whole, don’t they? Everyone acknowledges the mind-body connection these days, don’t they?

If chastity is for everyone, what does married chastity look like? It doesn’t just mean times of abstinence from the marital embrace (remember, chastity doesn’t mean no sex, but living out our sexuality according to our vocation). 

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We are all required to practice custody of the eyes; rightly ordered thoughts and desires; self-control; self-mastery; sexual honesty, sincerity and authenticity; concentrating on inner strength and inner beauty over external strength and beauty. Additionally, for the married, chastity comprises all the duties of marriage: honouring marital vows; physical, emotional and digital (yes, digital) fidelity; sacrificial love; respecting and cherishing one another; the raising of children and forming chastity in them; etc. All of this can only be accomplished with God’s grace through a sacramental life. 

We may have other areas of our lives pretty together, but when it comes to our sexuality, we are going to be humbled and driven to our knees to beg God’s help. Our sexual drives are so strong (and not just when we’re young!) that we are going to need constant vigilance and divine aid to sanctify this most precious part of our lives where we give and receive love and life at its deepest levels. 

Marriage is the gift of self, but we must be self-possessed in order to be able to make a gift of ourselves to someone else. Another name for self-possessed is…chastity. So, the best way to practice, prepare and be in training for marriage? Chastity.

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If chastity is so rich and multi-dimensional, what then, is the heart of chastity? The heart of chastity is the heart. In the Sacred Scriptures, the heart can stand in for the entire person. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” This particular Beatitude does not refer only to sexual purity, but to the steadfast, consistent orientation of our whole being toward God. 

Do we put God first in all things? Do we love God above all things and persons? As the Christian Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (father of Existentialism) put it: “Purity of heart is to will one thing.” Mary Magdalene showed all of us for all time “the one necessary thing.” And yet, we can’t just spiritualize “purity of heart.” Purity of heart cannot exist in a body in debt to sin (Wisdom 1:4). 

“The spiritual life cannot develop correctly if the elementary lines of human existence are hopelessly tangled in contexts where the body is immediately involved, ” said John Paul II.

Does remaining laser-focused on God at all times seem impossible in our fractured, fragmented and frazzled lives? We have no problem finding a way to squeeze in our favourite show during the day (or night), catching up on news, or getting an answer to some burning question that has piqued our curiosity. As important as it is, carving out time for God isn’t even what’s at stake here. What’s at stake here is more fundamental: “Who do you love?” “What do I desire above all things?” “What is my constant motivation?” 

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Our thoughts and energies are necessarily distributed among myriad, never-ending concerns that are more often than not an expression of love for others (and by extension, God). But with a little more intentionality and effort, could we not prioritize God, even in the midst of our daily flow?

Chastity is for lovers. “Only the chaste are capable of true love.” –John Paul II

(Sr. Helena Raphael Burns, FSP, is a Daughter of St. Paul. She holds a Masters in Media Literacy Education and studied screenwriting at UCLA. HellBurns.com Twitter: @srhelenaburns #medianuns)

A version of this article appeared in the November 15, 2026 issue of The Catholic Register with the headline "Share the word on chastity’s true meaning".